


By the Numbers

by RebaJean



Series: All My Brothers [1]
Category: Bishoujo Senshi Sailor Moon | Pretty Guardian Sailor Moon, Bishoujo Senshi Sailor Moon | Pretty Guardian Sailor Moon (Anime & Manga)
Genre: F/M, Fluff and Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-27
Updated: 2017-07-27
Packaged: 2018-12-07 20:36:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,715
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11631414
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RebaJean/pseuds/RebaJean
Summary: First season fluff with the sparring partners becoming reluctant allies. The timing falls somewhere between Minako's arrival and Mamoru's capture by the Negaverse. As in the manga, Mamoru became aware of Usagi's identity fairly early on, but she had not yet made the connection between Tuxedo Mask and her irritating friend.





	By the Numbers

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: Characters are based on Sailor Moon copyright 1992 by NaokoTakeuchi/Kodansha, TOEI Animation, English language adaptation copyright 1995 by DIC Entertainment. This story is not intended for monetary gain or tangible profit, but purely for entertainment of the readers.
> 
> Original version published 4/7/2002.

It was a study in contrasts, light and dark. Pick any school day and the scene would have been the same. The blond Motoki rested his chin on his crossed arms on the counter watching the doors. He was bored out of his mind. It was the same every day waiting for the after school crowd to arrive. The dark-haired Mamoru sat at the counter picking at the remains of his pastry, waiting for his coffee to cool. He was more or less a permanent fixture this time of day, which usually coincided with the arrival of a certain blond junior high student.

The extra quiet during the week long absence of Tsukino Usagi was beginning to wear on Motoki. It had been fun watching the increasing agitation of his friend, however. Every time the door opened, Mamoru's head would shoot up as he turned to see who had entered. Motoki and Usagi's friends had agreed to tell him nothing about her absence to test their theory. The spectacular fights between the two had to be merely a cover for their unacknowledged mutual attraction. It helped that Mamoru was too stubborn to ask if they knew anything about why she was missing. They left him to stew in his self-inflicted torment over her absence.

The dark brooding statue came alive; there was no other way to describe it. Motoki heard Mamoru exclaim, "Usagi!" softly and in two seconds he was across the room. Just in time to crash into Usagi, who flew through the door at warp speed. They clung to one another tightly as they staggered around, trying to avoid the almost inevitable fall to the floor.

Usagi scowled at Mamoru's joyful greeting, "Meatball Head, you're back!"

"Don't call me Meatball Head," she screeched in reply. Noticing that he was still holding her tightly, she thought 'Gotcha!' Her friends were right when they claimed his incessant teasing was a cover for his true feelings. "You missed me!" she taunted gleefully.

"No way! Not me! I was just worried . . ." he shouted back.

"Did too," she retorted.

"Did not!" he returned, louder still.

"DID TOO!"

"DID NOT!"

"PROVE IT!" Usagi shouted in his face. She rose up on her toes and tapped his nose. "YOU said you were worried about me YOURSELF!"

About this time Motoki decided that the relative quiet while Usagi had been gone was a good thing after all. He strode over and grabbed Mamoru and Usagi and shook them both. "That's it. That's enough out of you both. Calm down or take it outside."

Usagi and Mamoru looked at each other questioningly, nodded in agreement, and both turned and yelled at Motoki, "SHUT-UP! It's none of your business!" They turned back to one another and resumed their argument. Mamoru still held Usagi closely in his arms. Her hands had crept up to his shoulders to help her balance as she looked up into his face to gauge his reaction to her verbal volleys.

Motoki stepped over to the 'senshi' table to confer with Ami, Minako, Makoto, and Rei. The girls had been watching the confrontation with amusement. Ami commented, "Plan A appears to be a success."

Motoki questioned, "Implement Plan B?"

Ami replied, "Affirmative."

Minako asked, "I forget. What is Plan B?"

Rei hushed her and answered, "Just watch." Makoto got up from their booth and went across to the doors and held them open.

Motoki let out a loud, "AARRGGHH!" and rushed over to Mamoru and Usagi. Using the built up momentum, he propelled them both outside.

Makoto retrieved Usagi's bag and Mamoru's textbook and handed them to Motoki. Motoki tossed both items toward the astonished couple and instructed them loudly, "And you can just stay out. You both are BANNED from the arcade until you can get along without arguing every time you come in here. And be ready to prove to ME that you can get along in each other's company for at least a couple of hours before I'll let you come back in here!"

They looked at him with astonishment. "What, . . . but . . . but, you can't do that!" exclaimed Mamoru.

Usagi regarded Motoki angrily. "Yeah, what he said. It's not my fault though. HE started it," she said pointing at Mamoru.

"DID NOT!" yelled Mamoru.

Motoki smirked; this was going to be so much fun. "I don't care who started it. You BOTH argue. Until you BOTH can behave TOGETHER, neither one of you is coming back. And starting tomorrow, everything made with coffee or chocolate is half-price off." Motoki turned and went back inside the arcade and joined the girls at their booth watching through the window.

"Now look what you've done, Meatball Head," Mamoru complained angrily to Usagi.

"I did not. You started it. You called me Meatball Head. You know I hate that name. You call me that on purpose just to make me mad. And now I can't even go in there with my friends," she wailed and started crying.

"At least your friends don't have to put up with this," Mamoru retorted sarcastically.

"You don't either. GO AWAY!" Usagi cried and buried her head in her arms, leaning against the side of the building.

Mamoru turned, picked his book up off the ground, and prepared to leave. "At least I have friends," Usagi added spitefully to bait him. She really didn't want him to leave just yet. She wasn't through blaming him for their banishment. She watched him through the strands of hair that hid her face. Her tears slowed and stopped.

Predictably he went for her lure, "I do too have friends; you just don't know most of them!"

She looked up at him with eyes still wet with tears, going for the kill. "Well the only ones I know are Motoki and Rei and now I can't go in with them because of YOU!" The tears began falling again.

Mamoru squirmed guiltily. He had made her cry again; or maybe it was Motoki's fault this time. He wasn't really sure, but he hated to see her cry. His protective instincts toward her as Sailor Moon made it hell on him to really cause her any pain.

Mamoru had been torn several ways since he had discovered Usagi's identity at the Princess D. fiasco. Her disguise that night had been the very image of the princess in his dreams who asked him to find the crystals. As Tuxedo Mask he had been drawn to her as Sailor Moon. But as Usagi, it was another story. She had the ability to irritate and infuriate him just with a look or a word. But he loved to argue with her. He loved to pick at her until she fumed, turned bright red, and verbally or physically attacked him. And she had just been gone who knows where for a week. She "owed" him an explanation. He strode over to her and took her by the shoulders and shook her.

"What was that for, Jerk?" she protested angrily, forgetting about being upset.

"Where were you all that time? I was worried about you," he complained, looking down at her exasperatedly. He held her still by the shoulders, determined to wrest an answer from her.

Usagi's response was a huge grin. "See, I told you that you missed me. You just admitted it you big baka!" she taunted. Usagi reached around the aggravated man and tried to crush him with one of her bear hugs. If she had seen the astonished, delighted, and stupid look on his face, she would have had even more ammunition with which to tease him. He used the opportunity and buried his face in her hair.

Nuzzling one of her 'meatballs', Mamoru commented, "You still haven't answered my question, Meatball Head."

"Leave my hair alone! You are such an A # 1 Jerk! Let me go!" she shrieked.

"Well, I'm still waiting," he answered calmly, tightening his grip as she squirmed trying to get away.

"I was in Anchorage, Alaska. There are you happy. Now let me go, Dork!" she spit out.

"Alaska?" Pulling her closer, "Why would I want to let you go; it's much more fun to watch you squirm. You may even be a genius disguised as a meatball brain; you've solved the problem of how we can keep arguing in front of Motoki without him even knowing what we're doing."

Usagi's curiosity conquered her irritation with her nemesis, "What are you talking about?"

"Arguing by the numbers. Surely you and your friends made lists of things by numbers in elementary school so people wouldn't know what you were talking about or writing in notes," Mamoru answered.

"So like # 1 would be Baka, Dork, Conceited, Obnoxious, Egotistical, Jerk, or Jerk-wad, or Jerk-off, ..." she needled.

"Hey that's enough. You've got the idea. Number 2 can be Meatball Head since you have two," he said. "Nah, I like to call you that too much. Can't I please at least keep one name to call you? Don't you think you keep your temper for at least that one, huh?" Mamoru pleaded.

Usagi laughed, "Oh, maybe you can pick one. But I don't know about 'Meatball Head', I really hate that you know."

"I know. That's why it's my favorite name for you. You look so adorable when you get mad. . . Oops, did I just say that last part out loud?" he asked and looked away.

"You're blushing! Your ears are bright red. 'Mr. I think I'm oh so cool and suave' is embarrassed," she crowed.

"Yeah, so what? Let's get out of here. You want to go make up that list?" He turned and picked up their things and handed Usagi her bag.

As he turned and headed in the direction of his apartment, Mamoru asked again, "What on earth were you doing in Alaska anyway? And why didn't you tell me you were going?"

Usagi skipped along quickly to catch up with him. "You're going too fast. If you'll slow down I can talk and walk at the same time."

With lines like that, she invited teasing he rationalized. "Amazing! You mean you can do two things at once, if you're not klutzing out anyway?" Mamoru smirked.

"Oh you baka!" Usagi complained and reached over and started punching Mamoru's arm.

"Ouch, stop that. You've actually got a pretty good jab. You've been sparring with Rei or Makoto, huh?" Mamoru asked as he grabbed her hand and kept hold of it to stop her assault.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Back at the arcade, the girls and Motoki were squashed in the corner of the window trying to see what Usagi and Mamoru were doing. Finally Makoto climbed on the corner of the booth and leaned out against the glass. She narrated a blow by blow account. "They're arguing. Usagi is leaning against the side of the building and crying. It looks like Mamoru is leaving. No, they're arguing some more. Oh, Mamoru just grabbed Usagi and he's shaking her. If he hurts her, I'm gonna get him. Huh, now she's hugging him? He's holding her; it looks like she's trying to get away. Now they're just standing there. They're talking or arguing; I can't tell which. Mamoru just gave Usagi her bag and he's walking off. She's chasing him. Now she's punching him. Uh, they're holding hands and walking off. I can't see any more."

"Let's follow them," said Rei.

"Yeah," put in Motoki.

"Wait a minute, wasn't the whole idea of this plan to force them to get along," reminded Ami.

"Ami's right," added Minako. "Besides they may actually end up doing more than just getting along," she added mysteriously.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"You never did tell me why," started Mamoru again.

"Oh all right. Shut-up so I can talk. My dad came home Friday with tickets for some airline travel promotion deal. He said they wanted a good write up in the magazine. But they were for a 10PM flight that night so we had to pack and leave right away. I only had time to call Rei.

It was a lot of fun. We flew to Anchorage and took a train trip to Denali Park and saw Mt. McKinley. That's their highest mountain. I saw lots of animals like bears, and deer, and caribou. We had a boat tour to see some glaciers. There aren't many people a lot of places. Everything was really pretty. I got to go shopping in town with the tour guide when Mom and Dad went to some company thing. We had to take that dork Shingo along though. He must have taken a million stupid pictures. I got to miss school for a whole week! We just got back yesterday," Usagi finished.

"Interesting, so everyone all probably knew where you were. When I mentioned your name to Motoki or the girls, they just ignored it and changed the subject. I wonder what they're up to this time? Did ya bring me anything?" asked Mamoru. He was sure she didn't, so it would be fun to tease her and make her feel guilty.

"I brought everybody something. I was gonna give em the stuff at the Crown, but some big dope had to get us kicked out first!" Usagi growled and tried to jerk back her fist to hit him some more. Since it was still captured, she began swinging her bag menacingly. Mamoru quickly stepped in and grabbed her, pinioning both arms at her sides. But now he was trapped as well, the instant he let her loose she was likely to clobber him from the look on her face. He thought quickly, maybe shock tactics would work.

Mamoru raked his gaze over her face and lecherously up and down her body. "Darling, as much as I enjoy the way you've plastered your hot, wiggly little body all over me, I don't really think the public street is the place to indulge your ecchi fantasies about me. We're also not accomplishing our goal of ending our banishment from the Crown arcade." Either she'd kill him or, . . .

Usagi jumped away from Mamoru as if he were on fire. "Me, ECCHI? You arrogant, obnoxious HENTAI! Not if you were the last man on earth!" she screamed angrily, trying to pull her hand from his grip. She stood there fuming as far away from him as their still clasped hands would reach.

"Are you through trying to hit me? Can I let go of your hand now?" asked Mamoru mildly.

Usagi nodded yes and he dropped her hand. Somehow she felt, . . . what was it, . . . disappointed. She actually liked touching him? And when he had been holding her, when they had been holding each other in fact, she felt all hot and melting inside, like molten candle wax. "Oh no!" her mind wailed. She may be rather naïve and inexperienced, but she had seen enough romantic movies, and felt that way when she read a really mushy romance novel. She not only liked him; she had the 'hots' for him, as Minako would have put it. That jerk, that good-looking, arrogant, conceited, obnoxious, and annoying man. They fought like cats and dogs whenever they were together, but when she looked into his eyes, she was lost. He loves to tease me, she thought. We constantly argue. But I love to argue with him; it's so much fun and it makes me feel so alive.

"Hey in there? Anybody home? Where did you space out to this time, Meatball Head?" asked Mamoru as he waved his hand in front of her face. She had stopped and was just staring at nothing with a dumbfounded expression on her face.

"Oh what? You don't want to know," answered Usagi as she came back to reality. She blushed, if he ever got any idea of what she had been thinking she was doomed.

"Daydreaming again, huh. Tarzan and Jane, the Prince and the Princess, Sailor Moon and Tuxedo Mask? About me maybe?" Mamoru snickered. That was sure to get a reaction from her.

"About YOU? Nuh - uh, no way! You are SO conceited, as if!" Usagi denied, her face brightening to a lovely shade of red.

Mamoru's eyes twinkled with amusement. He must have really hit a nerve. "Then why all of a sudden, my lovely Meatball Head, does your complexion match the paint job on my car, hmm?"

Usagi stopped, lifted her chin, and folded her arms. "If you're just going to pick on me, I'm going home. I think you have caused me enough trouble today already."

Mamoru imitated her stance, "The feeling is mutual, my dear. However, since we are right in front of my apartment building anyway, perhaps we should work on the stealth argument techniques after all."

Usagi rather reluctantly accompanied Mamoru up to his apartment. She looked around the inside. It was, of course, immaculate. A small and rather bare apartment, but his furniture was nice and his entertainment unit state of the art. One wall was largely occupied with a huge overflowing bookcase. He indicated that she should sit on the couch and he handed her a piece of paper and pen. He sat down and started up his computer. "Why don't we each make out our list and I'll consolidate and number them. That way we can be clear on what names we want to call each other and we won't repeat insults. Okay?"

Usagi nodded. Strange man, he was even organized about arguing and insulting her. She began writing furiously. He typed a few entries, thought a few minutes, and entered a couple more. Mamoru looked over at Usagi. She was still scribbling feverishly. After about five minutes she brought over her list, the paper was completely covered front and back. "Here it is; this is all I can think of now," she said.

Mamoru read over her list. "I'm impressed; I didn't know your vocabulary was this large. Oh and these last few, naughty, naughty. Surely your mother doesn't approve of you talking that way."

Usagi snatched back the list and wrote several more words. "I just thought of a few more." She handed it back to Mamoru.

"Usagi, I'm shocked. Do you really think of me that way?" He read the last additions to the list back to her in a purring, seductive tone of voice.

Usagi blushed scarlet, "I didn't mean it THAT way!"

Mamoru laughed, "It's all in how you say it. Do you want me to delete those?"

Usagi nodded vigorously. "I think I better be going home, I'm getting hungry since I didn't get to have anything at the Crown."

Mamoru really didn't want her to leave yet. "Well since neither one of us got our chocolate fix today, would you like to share some ice cream?" He took her delighted squeal for an affirmative. Rummaging in his freezer, he found that there was only one pint left. This would never be enough for Usagi. Mamoru grabbed a couple of spoons from the drawer and went out to the couch and sat down next to Usagi. Predictably she asked, "Where's yours?"

"Sorry Meatball Head, this is all there is. So will you be nice and share with me?" Mamoru asked. From the expression on her face she was considering her answer.

Reluctantly she answered, "I guess so, since it is your ice cream after all."

The ice cream disappeared almost immediately. Mamoru tried to remember if he had any other junk food stashed away. Pie, cake, cookies? That was it; there were still some of chocolate chip cookies left from the last batch Motoki had shared with him. "Do you want some cookies?" Dumb question where the human garbage disposal was concerned. The cookie plate was cleaned off in record time as well.

Mamoru remarked, "Wow, whatever guy who marries you is going to have one hell of a grocery bill."

Her mouth still stuffed with cookies, Usagi sputtered crumbs all over the table. "That was mean. Take it back."

"Why should I; it's true," Mamoru waved his hand in the air negligently.

Usagi asked, "Why do you pick on me so much? We could just solve this whole thing with Motoki by not arguing any more."

Mamoru answered, "But that wouldn't be any fun. I like to argue with you. So do you want to go with me to the movies tonight?"

Usagi looked at him in surprise. "Did you just ask me out, like on a date?"

Mamoru hastily amended, "With Motoki too of course, so we can try out our list."

"Oh, okay I guess." she responded.

She actually sounded a little let down, he thought. He got up and carried the dirty dishes back into the kitchen. Mamoru came back over and offered her his hand to help her up off the couch. "So Meatball Head, are you ready to go pick on Motoki?"

Usagi looked at him exasperatedly, moved in close, and poked his chest, "You're calling me that name again."

Mamoru was very much aware of how close she was standing to him. He debated closing the gap between them. He reached up and brushed the hair off the side of her face, "But I love to call you that. I love," he paused for a moment, heard her sharp intake of breath, and continued, "to tease you."

Usagi looked both relieved and slightly disappointed. She smiled brightly at him, "I love to argue with you." She moved closer and rested her hands on his chest. Unable to resist the impulse, Mamoru wrapped his arms around her and pulled them together. Usagi looked up at him and said, "I love, . . . to tease you too." She regarded him curiously, "And just exactly how long do you plan on picking on me, tormenting me, and all the rest?"

Mamoru's thoughts strayed for a moment to a small jewelry box that had been hidden in his dresser drawer for several months now, near the rainbow crystals, in case he ever found his princess. Regarding Usagi's expectant expression, he smiled. "Oh, probably for the rest of our lives together."

Usagi gasped and whispered, "What did you say?"

Mamoru gazed down at her fondly, "You heard me. Now let's go show Motoki how we can 'get along' without 'arguing' with each other."


End file.
